346. slebs
we had that Ray Mears round
he’s a bloody pest though
– chopped down half the azaleas
making himself a bivvy
and Bear Grylls
he’s only gone & seen off next-door’s cat
now he’s sucking the bones
& waiting while his billy boils
and Ranulph Fiennes
with his oxygen & defib
standing atop the shed
peering off into the distance
all peeling skin & salty lips
and Melinda Messenger’s due any minute
she’s giving me a hand
with my erection
– I’m bloody hopeless at scaffolding.