233. yesterday's confetti.

I want to break your heart

I want the tears to fall like winter rain

on my formalin-soused carapace

I want black ties & suits

veils & lilies

I want them to say

he had an infectious laugh

a cheery smile

and a helping hand for anyone

and everyone

that I was witty,

loving and compassionate


I don’t want giggling

at the back

or the rustling of sweet wrappers

or polyester Man.U football shirts

or what a miserable miserly bastard

he was in reality

and a raging hypochondriac

who never had a good word for anyone.


you don’t want the truth

at a time like this

– you can’t handle the truth.